ventilation

"all i want is a little company... you know?"

sprawled over the lounge room floor she looked at me. there was something inside her screaming to be released. she told me she felt as though she were in a room surrounded by people that couldn't see her.

"like Harry Potter in that pensieve thing.. you know how he went into that memory by accident and didn't really know what was going on?"

she said she lived in hope of love. she told me it was like having something on her chest, pushing on her all the time, that made taking each breathe like a desperate battle. and yet even as she said it her eyes were bright, like the pain she felt would never break her, like she knew it from before, knew it would soon be over.

she said that when she sees people walking down the street she tries to imagine how their friendships would form, where they would go and how they would be. she said she saw her best friend the other day, sitting at the back of the bus, she knew they would be best friends because she had just bought the same dress.

as i looked at her, listened to her talking, in my lounge room over a bottle of white, i wondered why she felt that way. when she was sitting with her best friend at the time, telling her how she felt. it was unlike her to want more, to be ignorant of what she had surrounding her, how enchanting she is to many in her life and the love they have for her.

so i told her to shut up. the ads were over. she laughed.